Observe
Pause for a moment. It might be undeniably clear that the person you have the impulse to help has it together and is cool on their own. Remember that independence is precious to most people with disabilities, and what they can do on their own they take pride in — and need to know that they are able to do for themselves.
You Really Need to Chill
People with disabilities experience a lot of uptight tension in their daily lives from people who react reflexively to the impulse to help and just jump in — or make an earnest verbal offer. What people really care about first is that everyone relax. Imagine what it would be like for people to regularly get kind of jumpy just at the sight of you. That's pretty much what it's like. So when you pause to observe (taking a deep breath in the process is a great idea, too) then you'll solve this first problem. You won't be directing stressful energy towards people who might just be fine going about their business.
Puts You Back in the Moment
You know, taking a moment to just stop and observe is not such a bad practice in general, is it? Everything happens so fast these days, we have so much information to process so quickly, that I know I have had my attention span shortened. I know that I've lost the habit of being a relaxed witness of my own senses and what is around me. It means missing a beautiful sky, or it means not being as tuned in to the people I'm with and what they seem to be experiencing. So maybe this disability etiquette practice would have some fringe benefits in general, eh?
Break Down the Stereotype
The impulse to help is driven by an authentic human impulse to be generous and kind, no question about it. But there is also a deep cultural assumption at play that living with disability is difficult. Then it follows that such people are essentially "suffering" from the "burden" of having a disability. It's a stereotype, and it often is not what's really going on. So when you pause to observe, you are actually breaking the stereotype. Rather than starting on the assumption that this person is "challenged," start on the assumption that they are doing fine.
Eli, Executive Director, Achondroplasia
The above videos are from Gary Karp's computer-based disability awareness/etiquette course, "Real People. Real Potential."
Learn more at www.RealPeopleRealPotential.com.
Copyright 2015, Gary Karp/Modern Disability
Jan, Attorney, Born Without Limbs
