Here's a very simple three-step process that will help you relax when you have the impulse to help a person with a disability — and ensures a mutually respectful interaction.
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Observe
Pause for a moment. It might be undeniably clear that the person you have the impulse to help has it together and is cool on their own. Remember that independence is precious to most people with disabilities, and what they can do on their own they take pride in — and need to know that they are able to do for themselves.
And there's more...!
Offer
If you think this person might need or appreciate help, it is perfectly alright to offer it. What matters is that you ask. Say, "May I help you?" rather than, "Here, let me do that." One is an offer, the other is a command. People are generally not offended by an offer, they are offended by imposition that denies them the right of choice.
And there's more...!
Accept
Having made a sincere offer, accept their answer. If it's no, they mean it, and you can wish each other a good day and move on. If it's yes, then allow them to guide you. They are probably expert at how they do what they do, and the safest approach. That means you don't have to know what to do, so you can relax!
And there's more...!
Judith, Dance Company Director, Quadriplegia
The above videos are from Gary Karp's computer-based disability awareness/etiquette course, "Real People. Real Potential."
Learn more at www.RealPeopleRealPotential.com.
Copyright 2015, Gary Karp/Modern Disability
Steven, Presidential Appointee, Muscular Dystrophy
